The lovely Dennis is away this weekend (at Gay George (not actually gay)'s wonderful Fanny's hen do) and so he found himself at a bit of a loose end and with GG(NAG) inviting him down to London he foolishly entrusted himself to the trains again.
Obviously the train in front has broken down and his train is in reverse heading back north; he might even be later than GG(NAG).
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Car disasters a go go
As our readers may know he has a rather poor record when it comes to buying cars and just buys rubbish.
Notwithstanding his past setbacks he has dipped his toe back in the car shopping world and decided to buy himself a Landrover to go with the new life in the country.
And so off to the used car lot. One would have thought it pretty obvious that he should just turn tale and run when it would not start for the test drive but remarkably he stuck with it and bought the thing. Excellent, we can look forward to many tales of disastrous breaking down incidents.
Notwithstanding his past setbacks he has dipped his toe back in the car shopping world and decided to buy himself a Landrover to go with the new life in the country.
And so off to the used car lot. One would have thought it pretty obvious that he should just turn tale and run when it would not start for the test drive but remarkably he stuck with it and bought the thing. Excellent, we can look forward to many tales of disastrous breaking down incidents.
Boys in blue strike back
Our brave boys in blue are clearly fans of this publication and in a storyline out of a soap have decided to take their revenge following our recent story.
As clear a sting as could be imagined has been sprung on our poor innocent subject and they are fitting him up for a speeeding offence.
With luck they will offer him a speed awareness course for him to mock his way through.
As clear a sting as could be imagined has been sprung on our poor innocent subject and they are fitting him up for a speeeding offence.
With luck they will offer him a speed awareness course for him to mock his way through.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Some people
Early this morning he pulled into a service station to fill up with petrol. Pulling up behind a Mercedes that looked ready to pull away he waited patiently for it to move on.
5 minutes later he was a touch peeved by the lack of movement and looking more closely noted that a) the driver was in the car (and had been all along); b) the engine was running and c) she was reading the paper!
5 further minutes later another slot opened up and he moved over and filled up.
Whilst paying the said driver finally decided to stop being a selfish cow and moved on.
5 minutes later he was a touch peeved by the lack of movement and looking more closely noted that a) the driver was in the car (and had been all along); b) the engine was running and c) she was reading the paper!
5 further minutes later another slot opened up and he moved over and filled up.
Whilst paying the said driver finally decided to stop being a selfish cow and moved on.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Boys in Blue
You can always trust our friends in blue to get things to cock and in due accordance with said principle imagine his delight when one of his tenants called today to inform him that said boys in blue had just kicked her doors in 
following an anonymous tip off that she was dealing drugs from the property.
Well at least his taxes are going somewhere - a new door.
following an anonymous tip off that she was dealing drugs from the property.
Well at least his taxes are going somewhere - a new door.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Exam stress
Not content with a baby on the way and a house move to sort our hero has decided to take a whole host of exams. Of course he cannot be trusted to adopt the usual study methods of actually taking a course, revising and then sitting the exams as he is too impatient and so has just booked himself in to take the exams (which are all this week).
First up was probate (i.e. dead people) and his principal occupation during the exam was making sure he was finished first and out before anyone else; what a show off. Then this morning was company and partnership law (which as this is what he does for a living ought really be capable of passing with his eyes shut) but with only one other person sitting it the challenge of being first to finish was somewhat diminished.
To give him something to do he set himself the target of finishing first out of all the candidates in the room. Much to his disappointment most of the people in the room were doing a 90 minute exam as against his 3 hour 15 minute exam and so he failed abjectly.
Tomorrow is conveyancing (moving house) and has already set himself the target of being finished by the time the pubs open (it starts at 0930); good luck with that.
First up was probate (i.e. dead people) and his principal occupation during the exam was making sure he was finished first and out before anyone else; what a show off. Then this morning was company and partnership law (which as this is what he does for a living ought really be capable of passing with his eyes shut) but with only one other person sitting it the challenge of being first to finish was somewhat diminished.
To give him something to do he set himself the target of finishing first out of all the candidates in the room. Much to his disappointment most of the people in the room were doing a 90 minute exam as against his 3 hour 15 minute exam and so he failed abjectly.
Tomorrow is conveyancing (moving house) and has already set himself the target of being finished by the time the pubs open (it starts at 0930); good luck with that.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
New beginnings
Well after quite a sabbatical your mystery reporter has been dragged out of various dens of iniquity to return to the fray. Much has moved on since last your correspondent reported on our subject and he has added a wife (the lovely but long suffering Dennis) and is shortly to add a small child.
We suspect that the new arrival may have prompted our re-engagement.
To add to the changes he is about to move out of the city and into a small village in the boondocks which will add a touch of greenery to his life and our reports.
To get matters started we were invited to spy on the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) lesson he and the LBLSD attended. Some might say that the NCT is a touch on the hippy side of life and its fair to say that the majority of his class mates are a touch out there (although the minority of the men) with an unnaturally high preponderence of yoga adherents within the group.
Suffice to say that in such a group his natural tendency to being a clown
has rather come to the fore. At one stage the group was formed into small groups and asked to discuss, and then report back, what makes a good and a bad parent. Upon reporting back he volunteered that Fritzl
was an example of "bad" parenting.
He seems to be back on fine form and your reporting team look forward to returning to the saddle.
We suspect that the new arrival may have prompted our re-engagement.
To add to the changes he is about to move out of the city and into a small village in the boondocks which will add a touch of greenery to his life and our reports.
To get matters started we were invited to spy on the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) lesson he and the LBLSD attended. Some might say that the NCT is a touch on the hippy side of life and its fair to say that the majority of his class mates are a touch out there (although the minority of the men) with an unnaturally high preponderence of yoga adherents within the group.
Suffice to say that in such a group his natural tendency to being a clown
has rather come to the fore. At one stage the group was formed into small groups and asked to discuss, and then report back, what makes a good and a bad parent. Upon reporting back he volunteered that Fritzl
was an example of "bad" parenting.
He seems to be back on fine form and your reporting team look forward to returning to the saddle.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Jazz hands
A trip to London village for the lovely Dennis's birthday for some drinking, shopping and a show.
A Friday night with Gay George (Not Actually Gay) is never likely to be a quiet night with just a few drinks and so this one wou;d prove to be. An evening on the serious boozing on the red tea and cheese in Cafe des Amis left our subject in his usual state (asleep) at the table.
Saturday was spent doing some shopping which, on the basis that our subject has very little style and is useless in shops, required Gay George (Not Actually Gay) to come out again and assist. Somehow the boys managed to resist the temptation to buy the £6,500 jacket from Vivienne Westwood but failed to resist the urge to perv in Rigby & Peller.
Now as anyone who knows our subject will say he is not the world's largest fan of musical theatre so persuading him to go to a show was an exercise in optimism over realism but Dennis demonstrated her knowledge of his mind set with her choice of Chicago.
Fortunately it rather laid on an "Out of the mouths of babes" moment; subject, "Dennis, where is this show set?"; "not sure, America I think". Utter genius.
Sunday was spent over a lazy brunch with Dennis's university chums in and around Covent Garden discussing the morality of not paying the TV licence fee.
As was to be expected a splendid weekend.
A Friday night with Gay George (Not Actually Gay) is never likely to be a quiet night with just a few drinks and so this one wou;d prove to be. An evening on the serious boozing on the red tea and cheese in Cafe des Amis left our subject in his usual state (asleep) at the table.
Saturday was spent doing some shopping which, on the basis that our subject has very little style and is useless in shops, required Gay George (Not Actually Gay) to come out again and assist. Somehow the boys managed to resist the temptation to buy the £6,500 jacket from Vivienne Westwood but failed to resist the urge to perv in Rigby & Peller.
Now as anyone who knows our subject will say he is not the world's largest fan of musical theatre so persuading him to go to a show was an exercise in optimism over realism but Dennis demonstrated her knowledge of his mind set with her choice of Chicago.
Fortunately it rather laid on an "Out of the mouths of babes" moment; subject, "Dennis, where is this show set?"; "not sure, America I think". Utter genius.
Sunday was spent over a lazy brunch with Dennis's university chums in and around Covent Garden discussing the morality of not paying the TV licence fee.
As was to be expected a splendid weekend.
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