Monday, November 27, 2006

Bond, James Bond

Due to popular demand (well his mother at least) the editorial team has persuaded your correspondent to regale our gentle readers with more tales of his weekend derring do. Gosh what fun.

Before turning to his weekend we should just tie up some loose ends from last week. On Wednesday he hooked up with the lovely Old Speckled for supper, now she has a new flat mate who is seriously lovely and faster than a rat up a drainpipe he had her number and managed to follow that up with lunch with the seriously lovely Carly on Thursday. A seriously good looker.

Friday night was back with the lovely Old Speckled who rustled up a fine feast for him despite being under the weather with a dose of the sniffles (and a does of the freshly singles having just dumped her fellow) which was much appreciated.

On Saturday he was planning to meet up with Rib Robs and Dafydd (and the lovely Polly and lovely Helen their irrespective wives) to slump in front of the rugger before heading to see the new Bond. By strange co-incidence the lovely Dennis had to be in Buckinghamshire as well (where Rib Robs lives) and so she came along for the ride before joining up with him again for the movie. His cuddly dragon Ieuan Quinnell also came along for the trip. As a good Welsh dragon he likes a good game of rugger as much as the next cuddly dragon.

The less said about the rugger the better (for the record Wales came a distant second to the All Blacks) save to record that he had quite a lot to drink and was frankly shambolic by the time Helen’s fine repast of Fish Pie was brought to the table but he somehow managed to stumble through supper without embarrassing himself too much. Although the sharing of stories between the lovely Dennis and the others did the job pretty well for him.

They had taken the very sensible decision to dress up for the Bond movie. Now if one is going to a showing on, say, opening night then one can see the sense of this but if one is going to the High Wycombe Odeon on a wet Saturday 10 days after opening night it is a somewhat less justifiable decision and as James, Q, Jaws, Pussy Galore, Onatop and random Bond girl (FN1) arrived they got some very strange looks from Hoi Polloi.

The girls reported themselves very pleased at the new Bond, although Dennis did seem a little too excited at the torture scene, but Rib Robs and our hero described it as utter bilge. He does however concede that as he was a bit battered and can’t actually remember much of it that may be a little harsh and so he is going to go and see it again and confirm his view.

A very late night followed and he eventually made it to bed at 0430. Imagine his joy at staying the night in a house full of early risers in those circumstances.

A fine meal at the Hit or Miss pub (where the food is somewhat hit and miss (ho bloody ho)) was had for lunch enlivened with a demonstration by Polly of the “Joey Deacon” school of working with young offenders before they meandered back to their pad in Brum. Yet another first class weekend.


FN1: Him, Rib Robs, Dafydd, Helen, Polly and Dennis

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A poacher's goal

Another game of hockey to report on.

After the heroics of last week the team were quietly optimistic that they had turned the corner and might be heading towards better times. Their hopes were crushed on the rugged rocks of reality that was a game against Bristol Medics.

As again the goalie played brillantly but could not hope to keep out all the shots flying in at him and at half-time the score was a rather lop-sided 5 nil affair and our hero was looking rather forlorn and alone up front with BGB.

In an effort to get more into the game he dropped back in second half into the defence. His efforts appeared to assist...the opposition although he did manage to score a cracking goal...in his own net.

The team are greatly relieved that he can't make the next game as he is skiing.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Grapevine

With thanks to Grapevine (the magazine of the York Alumni Association) we publish the following extract:

"DAFYDD JONES (English and Related Literature, Langwith) and POLLY SILLS (Biology, Alcuin, 1996) We were married in a wonderfully musical and happy ceremony at St Matthew’s Church, Ealing, on 10 September, 2005. This followed a four year courtship born at Owen Williams’ (Mathematics, Alcuin, 1994) wedding in 2001. We have much to thank Owen for, as we first kissed back in 1993 when Owen was supposedly Polly’s date to an Alcuin Christmas dinner at York Racecourse. Ah, happy days!"

Monday, November 20, 2006

Journalistic integrity

Here at Bogun towers we are getting rather bored reporting on his drunken weekends. Frankly its not very interesting "he went out with X, he got battered, he disgraced himself, repeat" as a journalistic endeavour.

So this week we are not going to bother. Which might be considered a shame in light of the naughtiness that was Saturday night/Sunday morning (indeed Gay George (Not Actually Gay) was so bad he has had to send flowers to our hero's mother this morning to make amends) and the shenanigans that was Sunday lunch with his University chums in Vinopolis and lasted until very late but a rule is a rule so we shall not write further on the subject.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Rock of Ages

His firm has somehow been persuaded to put out a team for a charity tug of war tournament. Unsurprisingly he was first on the team-sheet at anchorman.

The team looked extremely strong on paper. Unfortunately about 60 stone worth of the team cried off before the tournament even started and so turned out to be somewhat less strong on the rope.

After a stuffing in their first two contests they managed to pick themselves off the floor and pull off a stunning victory in their last, and consolation, contest. At least some pride was restored. Not much mind.

Great, more hockey

Astute readers will have noticed a shortage of hockey reports over the last few weeks and no doubt will be filled with ennui at the prospect of another one; well worry no more for here is another one.

After a 4 week break the skipper had managed to recruit some well needed new blood to the side. This new blood had a worrying look of youth and pace about it. Now of course there is no substitute for gas and youth is its own quality and so why, you may ask, was this a worrying development? In terms of the team and hockey quality it was not and, in truth, it was only worrying for the old man of the piece who, having, let’s be honest, not impressed in goal last time round, was back to his usual position at centre forward and was therefore horrified at the prospect of having his pace (well lack thereof) shown up.

As the match kicked off it appeared that these worries were not to be realised as their midfield was horribly over-run and his replacement in goal was forced into some fantastic saves to keep them in it. Despite his valiant efforts they were quite rapidly trailing by 2.

Astonishingly the side started to gel after that and whilst it would be overly diplomatic to claim that they started to control the middle of the park it would be fair to record that they at least stopped being over-run and slowly started to develop some decent moves down the left wing.

These eventually led to a well snaffled goal. Not by the centre-forward of course.

The match really started to come to life after that with some first class hockey all round and whilst there was no more scores it was one of the best games this correspondent has watched in some time. We sense some green shoots of recovery. No doubt they will be treated to a healthy dose of weed-killer by this time next week.

Monday, November 13, 2006

A tale of three cities

On Friday night he sent the following e-mail "I am staying in Birmingham tonight for the first time on a Friday. Now I am really very shy and can't face going to the pub on my own so come and join me and make me feel at home. Anyway I will be in Bushwackers from 1731 come and make it a night to remember." (anyone spot the deliberate error)

Suffice to record that he then was persuaded to join a few of the troops for a drink in the office to welcome some new starters. His chin nearly hit the floor when the lovely Charlotte (a wonderfully pretty blonde from his University days) walked in. She starts working with him next week. He is somewhat nervous of the stories she can tell.

He then ended up with her, the lovely Dennis, the lovely Vorders and the lovely Naylah in the bar of Hotel du Vin. After several bottles of bubbly he went to settle up his tab. Unfortunately the young girl behind the bar and tried to use his card to settle someone else's bill and having cocked up his PIN 3 times locked up his card. He suffered a sense of humour failure. The finest quote we can print is "With respect young lady, blondie over there has ballsed up my card. I have no way of paying and so I'm not". Remarkably this worked and they let him off the bill.

A further few drinks followed back at the lovely Dennis's new flat.

Saturday was somewhat turgid as a result however he managed the energy to get out to his good friend Roger's leaving party (he's moving to Australia) where he got blathered on the usual cocktail of strong cider and sambuca ("the Usual").

Obviously a quiet Sunday was called for. It wasn't delivered as his very good friends Bill and Amy (from New York, passim)
were in the smoke to visit so he headed up to meet them. Several very expensive cocktails were polished off before he resorted to the Usual just in time to miss the last train home. A black cab performed the beer scooter role admirably.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

A Wonderful Life

The poor boy has been suffering mightily this weekend with the pangs of regret at the end of his rugby career but has had plenty to take his mind of it. Saturday was spent moving the lovely Dennis into her new flat in Birmingham and Sunday has been a real treat.

He woke up first thing and headed for his usual early morning ablutions and was delighted to discover that the drains were blocked up and rapidly backing up. He was able to discern this from the stacks of shit bubbling up the toilet and the bath.

A quick dash to Wilkinsons to stock up on sink and drain cleaners and plungers and marigolds and other accoutrements of drain cleaning and he found himself up to his elbows in the u-bend with shit liberally spilling over the top of his marigolds.

He then woke the lovely Dennis up with his retching. Lucky girl.

Sadly for the potential humour of the situation those people from Dyno-Rod were out quick as a flash and sorted it out. Fortunately during the course of fixing it both the Dyno-Rod man and he got sprayed with a somewhat unpleasant mixture of toilet-paper, water and, well yes, shit.