Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Christmas Trees

As the gang tucked into a rejuvenative fried breakfast (much as we imagine Kenneth Noye and chums did on the morning of the Brinks Mat robbery) Knuckles finally revealed to them her master-plan of criminality.

She set out how, under cover of walking The Lurcher in the woods, they were going to head up into the mountains and steal...wait for it...a Christmas Tree. After a number of suggested tweaks, mainly from Chopper keen to preserve his career, a plan so cunning that if it had a tail you would call it a weasel was devised.

Taking the car (sadly not a 1970s Rover) up into the hills and wending their way into the true boonies they eventually crossed into the Forestry Commmission's plantation.

Parked up they began to case the joint, Chopper looking particularly nonchalant with an enormous axe hanging over his shoulder. Fancy Pants and The Hat located a likely looking target and with Knuckles due approval a very unhealthy grin spread across Chopper's face as he finally got to bury his axe in something.

The victim duly cut down to size the Cleaner came to the fore and begin to cover up the crime burying the evidence under moss and leaves whilst Chopper and Fancy Pants started stuffing the tree into the getaway car.

Suddenly The Lurcher's ears perked up and the sound of an engine coming their way caused a moment of panic. "Quick scarper" yelled Chopper and off into the woods disappeared Fancy Pants and The Hat (not before he had thoughfully thrown the car keys back to Knuckles) whilst Chopper adopted the 5 year old's tactic of covering his eyes so no-one could see him and The Cleaner and The Lurcher tried to look like they were out on a quiet walk in the woods in the middle of nowhere. Knuckles meanwhile (having stuffed the last of the tree into the car and shut all the doors - thanks everyone else for abandoning the pregnant one) gunned the engine and shot off in a spray of gravel just as the approaching vehicle came round the corner.

With Knuckles, the getaway car and the tree disappearing down the mountain some rather sheepish gang-members re-appeared out of the woods and begin to hike back down the hill.

Imagine their delight when 5 minutes later a Forestry Commission patrol passed them by; phew; the importance of timing in any criminal endeavour can never be underestimated.

Halfway down the mountain Knuckles reappeared in the getaway car (yes the pregnant one had dragged the tree out of the car on her own) to give them a lift back to the hideout.

Criminal masterminds every one of them.