The perils of Kayaking

We have a rather unusual guest contributor to the Bogun Towers output with our subject choosing to share some of his pearls with us. His blitherings are below.

I am of course very grateful to the mystery reporter for this opportunity to contribute to the journal of my own life and have felt the need to report fully on the debacle that was my kayaking experience this past weekend.

I have previously done a little bit of kayaking including in the sea and so whilst Glenn ensured that everyone else knew what they were doing I made clear to him that any condescending lessons would not be welcome.

Sadly I forgot one of the basic lessons and failed to check that the quick release loop was not tied up with the spray deck.

Of course this elementary error would not have been a problem save that as I paddled out beyond the surf (leaving everyone else behind) and paused to let the surfers get out of the way before paddling back I was broadsided by a freak wave and my kayak and I ended up upside down.

I opened my eyes to see just green churning water and as I closed them realised I really could have done with grabbing a last breath of air before being capsized. My hands dropped to my sides and I ran them forward to the front of the spray deck to find the loop. I scrabbled around, nothing.

My hind brain started screaming at me to breath, fortunately my fore brain was having none of it and shouted him down. I brought my hands back to my side and ran them forward again to find the loop, more scrabbling, more nothing.

My hind brain was getting louder and I realised I was in trouble. As I sat upside down the knowledge that I was not far off drowning was not a great comfort. My hands scurried up and down the edge of the spray deck hunting for any opening to hook in a finger and release me but nothing.

My hind brain was now close to being in charge and just before it took over and made the fatal mistake of breathing suddenly I found the strength and tore myself out of the kayak and kicked up to the surface before gasping the sweetest breath I have ever enjoyed.

With the tide running against me I still had a long swim back to shore but with the kayak acting as a flotation device I was able to take it steady and made it back in one piece.

Later it hit me quite how close I had come to saying farewell and, importantly, leaving the mystery reporter jobless and the fear finally hit me. I do not want to repeat that experience anytime soon.