Australia - Part 15

Recovered from the exertions of the Prince Albert they awoke looking forward to a day on the beach cashing in on Surfer’s Paradise’s legendary reliability for sunshine.

Safely ensconced on the beach they were delighted to be part of the proof that the reliability is not fool-proof and lay on a beach in the shade as the 30 knot wind whipped the sand up and slowly eroded them away. Essentially it was not far removed from a day at the beach in the Orkneys.

Having given up on this exercise in futility they decided to see if the pool at their hotel was at least sheltered from the wind. It was not. Undetered they decided to brazen it out and enjoy their beach holiday although an hour of this nonsense had them uncontrollably shivering and calling for mugs of hot cocoa to keep them going.

By now thoroughly hacked off with the weather they decamped to the “Wet and Wild” theme park full of water flumes and other amusing water based entertainment.

Being wet in the gale was not a recipe for improving their core body temperatures but they did at least have some fun throwing themselves down some quite ridiculous slides. Boris nearly got them all thrown out by hopping over the fence of a clearly closed ride and throwing himself down it without the necessary inner-tube but the imperturbable diplomacy of Nigel saved the day, “you do realise we have paid for this?”

Several rides later the lads adrenalin levels were fully restored and Nigel had reached his limit of fun so before the storm really broke they gave that up.

Their last night in Surfer’s was designed as a real night on the turps (what the hell of all the other nights been one might ask) and they quickly began a thorough exploration of the various clubs of the strip. Remarkably they were treated as VIPs although this may have been due to the fact that in many of the places they were the only people in.

The “Bedroom” was their first port of call but before long our subject bailed out to his real bedroom. The text sent by Boris just after he left was unwelcome, “mate they are hosting the finals of the local Miss Underwear competition, come quickly” particularly as it was not received until the morning.

Boris and Nigel ended up moving on to Hollywoods which by all accounts is a strip club that even the blind can enjoy but they were safely tucked up in their beds no later than 0400.