Guess what? yes more cricket

Bevan Brittan

Well at last the last game of the season and the big grudge match against the competitors across the harbour. With BB fielding Ringer C in their side there was plenty of opportunity for some needle.

BB were quick to get their excuses in claiming to have just lost their best player but a quick examination of their shirts indicated either a) a corporate affinity with Long Ashton Cricket Club or b) (more likely) a host of ringers drummed up for the night on the promise of sponsorship for the club. Some might say that CW could be considered a little cheeky for raising such issues but not this correspondent.

Earl did sterling work at the toss and elected to bat. The playing conditions were somewhat unusual with 12 overs of 8 balls each agreed.

Ringer A and Williams
opened the batting and against a white ball swinging like a banana got the innings off to a reasonable start (with Williams creaming one through the off side with a shot no-one thought he had in his locker, least of all him) before Williams fell to one that swung in through his gate. Ringer A decided to give it some tap and smashed a couple of sixes in a row off their opener before spooning up a catch going for the third but by now it was clear that whilst wickets would tumble the run rate would be good.

Halden fell in similar fashion to Williams but Wright and Earl without ever really getting into top gear kept the score moving along nicely. Earl in particular struggled with his timing against their slowest bowler. Both fell caught in relatively close succession but Ringer B (supported by Shore) got amongst the bowling with some carefree batting closing his knock with a flourish – 646.

Ringer C on debut played one deft late cut for 4 but perished and then Ringer D and Shore saw out the overs. A score of 116 for 6 looked a little more than competitive.

It should be recorded that the fielding was first class and the high run rate owed much to some fine stroke play and little to poor bowling or fielding.

Earl’s tactics for the second innings were straightforward, try and get 3 or 4 relatively cheap overs in early on and raise the pressure and to do this he decided to keep Ringer A in reserve and so Ringers D and B opened the bowling. They both bowled exactly to order and with Earl clinging onto a fantastic catch in the deep off Ringer B and Ringer D bowling a beauty through the gate BB were already in trouble at 22 for 2 off 4.

Ringer A and Halden then came together and it made for an interesting mix with Ringer A bowling like an express and jagging the occasional ball in whilst Halden twirled the ball at much less pace. The batsman barely got a touch on Ringer A’s bowling and the in ducker that cleaned up their no 4 batsman will live long in the memory. Halden did not get amongst the wickets but bowled tidily and it should be said fielded magnificently picking up a run out along the way as indeed did Ringer A later in the game but as he ran out their lady player it was rather unsporting.

With 4 overs to go (i.e. 32 balls) they were facing the uphill challenge of scoring 77 runs with only 5 wickets in hand. Ringer C bowled 2 of those overs and got a little tap but in the context of the match never enough for CW to be in trouble. Earl bowled a beauty of an over and would have had much more reward if Williams had remembered to take the bails off before appealing for a stumping but still grabbed a wicket and Simmons finished matters off (it was a safe tactical decision they needed 43 off the last over – even Williams could have been trusted to safely bowl it).

A fine performance in the field up until the last 2 overs saw CW home to spare. The tale of the fielding in those 2 overs is in truth a horror story. The “high”light being Wright running in to take a catch, missing it, the ball running behind him, Earl picking up and throwing “towards” the ‘keeper, missing by about 30 yards, Ringer D backing up, missing the ball, turning round, picking it up and eventually throwing it in which all managed to turn what should have been a dismissal into 4 runs, shameful.

A fine game played in the usual excellent spirit (save for one or two moments of testiness when, remarkably, Ringer D did not trigger the batsman). CW were cock-a-hoop at the stuffing delivered to their rivals.

Man of the match was a real challenge this week with, frankly, the non-ringers not really putting up much of a performance and so in a shocking break with tradition the awarding committee have gone for Ringer B for his blitzkrieg batting (although Ringer A was very much in the running). It seems strangely appropriate that a ringer should finally win man of the match in the same game as ringers went past 1,000 runs for the firm.

STOP THE PRESS – another game has been arranged so this is not the final instalment.

Videotastic

We at Bogun Towers are always striving to add new features to the media experience we can deliver to you our loyal readers. We are delighted to report that we now have the ability to present video. We cannot wait to explore the possibilities this presents. In the meantime to prove we mean it we reproduce a video of him, sadly, landing a jump whilst skiing.

Driving the dream

As anybody who has had any misfortune to spend time with him over recent months will know he has been rather obsessed about getting himself a Lotus Elise.



Well he has at last got his new car. The only similarity with his dream being the colour (it is a Daewoo Lanos for those interested).

Nearly the last cricket

Atisreal

It would be wrong to describe the selection meeting for this match as an embarrassment of riches but at least there was a relative ease in getting 11 players out even though 5 of them were ringers.

In light of the increasing shortness of the evenings the remarkable offer by Atisreal’s skipper to allow CW to bat first demonstrated a generousity of spirit rarely seen in today’s competitive sporting world and was grabbed with both hands.

Williams and Ringer A opened the bowling and although Williams perished cheaply he at least showed the right aggression. Halden seemed strangely subdued and after a couple of singles fell plumb LBW. With Earl similarly starting off quiet the pressure was on Latham A to keep the score ticking along but laughing in the face of that pressure he did.

Ringer B fell LBW to a decision of some dubiousness before Earl having found his range at last decided to amble a run and was run out when he should easily have been safe.

Wright and Ringer C gave it some of the long handle stuff and with Wright bringing up the century and retiring with a maximum things were looking pretty steady. Ringer D combined effectively with Ringer C to push the score up to 131 from 16 overs.

132 to chase down in 16 overs always looked a tough ask and with Thomas and Ringer A bowling some very tidy stuff the start made was slow. A slow start can be overcome but with a wicket each for the bowlers (Thomas bowling an absolute peach to claim his victim) the tide was turning very quickly against the chasers.

With Williams standing up to the stumps to almost every delivery and chuntering away in between whipping off the bails for fun (and not showing his disappointment when the umpires did not uphold his appeals (well not much)) the pressure really began to mount.

Ringer E and Earl took over bowling duties and both bowled two shockingly bad balls first up before settling down to the job in hand. Ringer E getting one through the gate whilst Earl somehow claimed 3 wickets (one thanks to a decent catch by Ringer A which was of itself somewhat of a surprise in light of the poor catching being shown around the field generally, Earl and Ringer C both dropping sitters).

Simmons and Ringer D were brought together to finish the job and with Simmons sticking to the simply maxim “you miss, I hit” and Williams at last persuading an umpire to accede to his appeals the match came to an early end (although at one stage Ringer D’s generousity caused some scares, 18 in his first over).

Yet another win for the team who now march on to their last game against Bevan Brittan. As usual an excellent game played in excellent spirit.

Man of the match was a toss up between Wright for his runs or Earl for this wickets but in the end Wright got the nod, we believe the adjudicator was swayed by Earl’s rubbish bowling between the wickets.

Maine - a post-script

On arriving back home he received the following e-mail from the happy couple. Remarkable.

Maine - Part 6

With the main event out of the way a strange calm descended on this quiet corner of Maine with most of the main actors heading off on their torturous journeys back to civilisation (10 hour drives to New York for most) whilst those few hardy souls hanging around sought each other out.

Probably in light of his impromptu performance on the mike (passim) it would appear that they all sought each other out to make it easier to avoid him and he ended up simply ensconced in a bar watching little league baseball (crazy) for most of the day before grabbing an early night pending his trip home.

At last on his return to Bar Harbour Airport he finally got some signal on his ‘phone and his link to the real world was restored much to his relief.

He is now sleeping curled up in a corner of Logan airport pending his flight home in 6 hours.

Maine - Part 5

Finally the big day arrived and dawned in less than optimum condition (aka it was sluicing it down) but fortunately the weather gods interfered and by lunchtime the rain had gone, the clouds had lifted and a lovely day had arrived.

To much relief he managed to find the ferry dock for the trip over to Little Cranberry Island from Mount Desert Island
and despite some moments of alarming chop managed to keep his breakfast down.

The church itself is a splendid little wooden number packed full of rural American charm and that just about sums up the service too. With Skinny Chris, t’other Chris and Corbett’s band getting the crowd going and Bill and Amy arriving together with the entire congregation singing matters kicked off well and with the splendid Mayur officiating admirably it just got better. One of the loveliest weddings your correspondent has attended.

The reception was a similar simple affair but cracking fun with the usual inordinate quantity of booze consumed. Worryingly on this occasion just enough to encourage him to accept the offer of the open mike and offer his own homily to the newly weds…oh dear.

Words cannot do it real justice (well certainly the words of this humble wordsmith) and so let us just record that as he staggered into the night he was heard to mutter “Lovely, just lovely…hic.”

Maine - Part 4

A day of meandering around the town, sipping coffee and bumping into old friends was the order of the day (with a light hangover). As is usual he sought out the local newspaper and was particularly excited by the headline story. On further examination, and even more to his amusement, the story revealed that there had not in fact been any blueberry thefts. You cannot buy this sort of quality local journalism.

As evening approached he donned his best western gear (his luggage has turned up) for the night before BBQ in fancy dress. On the basis that Bill is originally from Oklahoma the theme was cowboy or Oklahoma (red and cream being the State colours) and we feel that our subject did an admirable job with a red and cream shirt to go with the big buckle and hat.

There were some pretty lame efforts around (your correspondent does not consider donning an Oklahoma University baseball cap to really count for much) but also some first rate cowboy shirts.
Unfortunately the photographer retained by us at Bogun Towers to record the evening was rather too enamoured of the beer being churned out of the brewery (where the event was being hosted) and so little photographic evidence remains.

Maine - Part 3

With just a short layover in Boston there was always some concern that his luggage would not make it and we are delighted to report that concern was well founded. It is not entirely clear if the plane was too small to carry his stuff (and it was very small (not as small as the converted bomber he once took from Jersey to Guernsey but not far off)) or if they just couldn’t be bothered but in either happy circumstance the luggage reclaim area at Bar Harbour (not the world’s largest airport) was distinctly empty of his kit (and it was not as if there were any nooks and crannies for it to hide in – the area is a 6 foot by 3 foot roped off area).

With the appropriate forms filled in (although in light of the fact that he packed drunk he was not able to shed much light to answer the question “what is in your bag”) he hopped in the splendid Mayur’s car (who had come to pick him up very generously) and ended up at his hotel.

He is staying at the Claremont and your correspondent is not sure how best to describe it but perhaps fading probably best sums it up, alternatively The Shining meets Pet Cemetery.
It is however right on the water and has some fantastic views.



Having freshened up, as far as one can with no baggage, he headed into town to hook up with the happy couple (to be) and their families (as well as the splendid Walkup) for supper at a restaurant with singing waitresses (not at all weird) and a supper of lobster.

As the only Brit there he felt compelled to play the clown, his mother would be proud.

Maine – Part 2 (an interlude) aka Expanding the Brand

Most manufacturers of retail goods nowadays spend much of their time considering how to “expand the brand” and today we are “blessed” thereby with Mars Planets and Galaxy ice creams. There are however times when this process can go too far.

Take, for example, the humble Kit Kat; a simple wafer and chocolate, humble in its simplicity. Some years ago now the ad men created the Kit Kat Chunky which (to borrow another ad man’s phrase) does exactly what it says on the tin.

Next came another ad man and he thought to himself, “hmm Kit Kat Chunky great product but maybe a little large for, say, the airline snack market…I’ve got it! The Kit Kat Chunky Mini.”

Errr, is that not just a Kit Kat?

Maine - Part 1

The usual level of sensibility has attached to his preparations for the trip and rather than heading home the night before to pack he headed out for the fat end of a gallon of beer with Chappers and Sidoli (whilst watching The Arsenal stuff Sparta Prague) before staggering home and throwing a few things in a bag.

Following that start the 0500 alarm call was unwelcome to say the least and his mood barely improved when the taxi was late leading to rather frantic scenes at the bus station but he made it.

Heathrow produced its usual horrors with long queues and screaming kids (although a broken luggage conveyor added to the exciting mix on this occasion) but a breakfast at the fish bar (passim) settled him down although the hangover has rather knocked the edge off the trip.

At least the ‘plane has a decent entertainment system (are you listening Air Canada).

Maine - The prologue

His splendid friends Bill and Amy (passim) are getting wed this weekend in Maine and he is off to the event.

It promises to be a splendid weekend of stuffing himself silly with lobster
and drinking with his old American chums.

In preparation he has been off acquiring suitable attire including a cowboy hat
and a ridiculously large belt buckle.

Last tango in Aberystwyth

To help mark his birthday his splendid friends Dafydd and Polly agreed to make their similary splendid house
in the countryside outside Aberystwyth available for a weekend on boozing and eating and much to his delighted surprise Nigel, Dogs, Christine, Chris, George, Helen, Rob and Helen all agreed to make the very long trek to the mountains to join in.

Sadly the weekend started on a sour note as due to an ineptly operated court list he was not able to get away from Bristol on time to get to Swansea and the funeral of one of his uncles much to his dismay and regret. To make matters worse as a result his mother, who was planning to come to Aberystwyth, decided she couldn't trust herself not to get lost and decided not to come.

Our subject arrived first and with Polly pouring the Mojitos was soon in danger of being in a complete state but had to pull himself together to go and fetch TLSBSL Dennis from the station (which it has to be said is rather Railway Childrenesque).

With everyone else arriving at various points during the evening (right up until midnight) there was a constant stream of welcomes and drinks being poured and all in all a splendid night, although the drinking game based on the hard core porn playing cards fell sadly flat, unlike the young men in the pictures.

Saturday morning kicked off with a walk (through dangerous frog territory apparently)
before heading up into the hills and some fabulous scenery.

He insisted on trying to prove he is not an old man by vaulting over a gate and much to everyone's surprise and your correspondent's dismay he did not end up flat on his face.

With a healthy appetite built up they headed down to the beach for some beach cricket.

Disturbingly whilst there, as subsequent close examination of the pictures reveal, Christine was being stalked by the local wildlife.

To fill rumbling stomachs a barbeque was lit and some fine local produce burnt and eaten.

The original plan had been for Saturday evening to be a pub crawl round Aberystwyth but with the weather closing in, and several gallons of beer still to be consumed back at the house, the decision was taken to construct a shelter (of dubious quality)
and stick it out and save money on taxis.

An enormous quantity of beer flowed and much to everyone's surprise rather than our subject being asleep in the corner Nigel took those "honours".

Sunday morning was a series of goodbyes before the hangers on went for a further walk (cue more bleak countryside)


and then a very large sunday roast before the long journey home.

All in all a fantastic weekend and enormous thanks to all attendees and, more importantly, hosts.

Mutley

With apologies to our readers but we are rather falling behind the stories at the moment and find ourselves today some 9 days after the event reporting on a trip to the 20/20 finals at Edgbaston.

With the finals following the day after the cricket tour (passim) he was unsurprisingly in a shocking state when Chappers picked him up for the drive up North and much to his dismay the drive did little to restore his equilibrium.

On arrival at the ground they met up with Chappers' brother and mates who despite his obvious discomfort forced a beer down him before they went through the gates. Mid his discomfort was as nothing as, whilst standing in the queues at the turnstile, Stuart's who noticed that he has once shagged the girlfriend of this random stranger in the queue next to him. The discomfort level was elevated when he noticed that this lad was with 5 of his mates and they were all carrying baseball bats. Much to your correspondent's dismay nothing further arose out of this discomfort although when the baseball bat wielders were thrown out of the ground 6 hours later Stuart was much relieved.

The first semi-final was probably the most disappointing of the matches but still contained some highlights (altough he rather struggled to see them through the hangover) and probably the best was the ribbing of Murali for his "unorthodox" bowling style and shouts of "no ball" every time he bowled (to prove the crowd were non-discriminatory abusers Malinga and Kirtley got exactly the same treatment later in the day).



The mascot race between semi-finals fully restored him to full vim and vigour although the performance by Mutley from the Sugababes
fell somewhat flat although his hearing will doubtless never be the same again.

A final between Kent and Gloucestershire was a surprise considering the form books but the two of them put on a fine competition and with one over to go it could have gone eiter way with 13 runs needed. Sadly Greenidge contrived to concede those in only 3 balls and the game was over and Kent the champions.

All in all an excellent way for him to spend his last day aged 34.

Cricket with a twist - in Brum

Yorkshire Bank

Following all the difficulties that Bristol have faced all season getting a side out the interesting comparison exercise was had last night when Brum got out a full side along with a host of supporters whilst Bristol had to cry off their match due to lack of numbers. Fortunately your correspondent chose to go to the Brum match.

With only Read and Williams having played for the firm before, Garlick the skipper’s hardest task was going to be working out how to juggle his resources. Matters were made somewhat easier by the agreement that everyone had to bowl 2 overs (apart from the ‘keepers, much to Williams’s relief).

Garlick got matters off to a poor start by losing the toss and with the light clearly likely to deteriorate later on Yorkshire Bank made no hesitation in deciding to get runs on the board.

Gilmour and Fowler (both on debut) opened the bowling and whilst Gilmour kept it tight (4 runs off his overs) Fowler got a little bit of the treatment. By the time Priest and Gaibee (both on debut) took over the score was starting to get a little bit scary (49 off 5 overs). Fortunately Gaibee’s fourth ball was a treat and Williams completed the stumping in unconventional style (off his toe) and the breakthrough was had.

With Garlick (on debut) clinging onto a screamer of a catch from the bowling of Priest next over the collapse was on. With two girls at the crease Williams was given strict instructions not to stump either of them (instructions he obeyed much to his annoyance) before Read and Williams combined to run one of them out.

Willox and Rogers-Nash (both on debut) came together for a bowl and Willox snaffled another wicket caught by Biddlecombe (on debut). With four wickets down and their opener retired their next two batsman settled in and got the team back on track before Read and Percival (on debut) produced 3 fine wickets between them along with a suicidal run out courtesy of Gaibee and Percival leaving them looking rather parlous save for the fact that their opener now returned to the fray and “got amongst it” (particularly off Biddlecombe) before Garlick finished matters bowling their last man.

A score of 132 all out was a very pleasant surprise considering they were 89 off 10 overs at one stage.

Williams and Gilmour opened the batting and got matters off to a flyer (49 off 4 overs) both retiring (although Williams’s rather laboured efforts to get from 24 to 25 were shameful). Biddlecombe at least got off the mark before Willox and Rogers-Nash were back in tandem. Willox ran Rogers-Nash out before nearly giving Read a coronary running a third before she fell.

Gaibee was in and out (dismissed by one of the worst bowlers your correspondent has ever seen) and then Read and Fowler played some good cricket, Fowler thumping it and Read nurdling away. They easily kept up with the required rate and pushing on from 69 off 10 overs towards the winning line. Fowler sadly did not make it having to retire. Garlick smashed some quick runs before, with the scores level, Read cracked it straight and ran 3 (just so he could get to 25) for the win in pretty poor light off only 16.5 overs.

A good victory by 4 wickets followed by a splendid curry and some beers.

The first Man of the Match award for the Brum office is a real challenge, Williams, Gilmour, Read and Fowler all had a shout with their batting and Percival and Read had a shout for their bowling. In the end the nod has to go to Read for 2 wickets, 25 (dull) runs and his hand in a run out but Percival ran him very close.

Clowning around

His eldest niece (Thea) has just had her fifth birthday party with clowns and everything and like the child he is he felt the need to go and enjoy the cake.

20 odd mad screaming kids. What a delight.



Thea seemed to enjoy it though and to be fair he brightened up when preseented with his birthday present (35th, he has been worrying about it being "half-way" but has been checking the position with an actuary and is assured he has another 43.23 years to go) a canvass painted by his three nieces.
Goodness knows what it is supposed to be but it is better than most modern art!

Cricket tour

Monkswood CC

Our more astute readers will note that what should clearly be the report of the annual tour is not entitled “Tour” this is due to a number of factors including a) the opposition for Saturday forgetting about the game and having to cancel and b) despite the tour being in the diaries since January an abject performance from the squad from whom only 4 players made themselves available (fortunately two ringers stepped in).

With the entire team and all their kit in the fun bus (and with some room to spare) the drive to Wales kicked off in bright sunshine and high spirits (assisted by a number of beers) and despite Earl’s best efforts Monkswood was located without undue difficulty.

In light of the numerical challenges faced by the team it was agreed they would bat first and, if necessary, could bat twice.

Williams and Ringer A (on debut) opened and with Williams playing the anchor role dabbing the ball around Ringer A had free license and scored freely. Despite the heckling from the sidelines the score ticked along nicely and Ringer A chose to retire once he had hit 50 with the score on 64 at the end of the tenth over. Webb then joined Williams and started to get after the bowling and a very big score looked on the cards.

Unfortunately Ringer B had one of his “moments” umpiring and triggered Williams in the 14th over with the score on 94 (and Williams on 13) bringing Earl in to join Webb. Normally such a combination would promise fireworks but Earl played all round a straight one and was bowled. Thomas opted for the Williams role and Webb continued to cart it before running himself out penultimate ball. Ringer B had just one ball to face and with Williams umpiring at square leg a stumping looked on the cards and much to Williams’ amusement it was duly delivered.

A total of 130 for 4 seemed potentially defensible particularly as the light deteriorated and, more importantly, Monkswood were willing to lend them 5 sub fielders and Ringer A and Thomas opened the bowling and with Ringer A taking 4 wickets they were in some bother at 27 for 4 off 7 overs.

The skipper (Earl) then made the fateful decision to make a game of it and threw the ball to Williams for a little bowl. Whilst Webb took another wicket at the other end Williams got the treatment. With high hopes that Earl had recovered his composure after his failure with the bat and the score only 70 for 5 after 13 there was no small amount of optimism in the camp.

Unfortunately Earl bowled like a drain and was carted to all parts of the ground but with them needing 35 more to win off the last 4 overs it looked that victory could still be had particularly as Webb had two overs remaining; however, much to everyone’s surprise, rather than bowl him the ball was thrown to two of the sub fielders (both of them having proved they could not bowl in the first innings).

Still with one wicket out caught and another run out 13 was needed off the last over with 3 wickets in hand and Earl took the heavy burden of bowling it himself.
13 runs duly came in 3 balls and it was all over.

Notwithstanding the loss a fine game played against an opposition who play the game very much in the right spirit. If only some more players had bothered to turn up it would have been even more enjoyable.

Man of the Match this week has to be Webb for his 33 quickfire runs.

The aftermath

Clearly it being tour the team could not just slink back across the bridge to Bristol and proceeded to drink the bar dry before moving into the centre of the thriving metropolis that is Usk. Your correspondent is not certain that choosing to have a round of double house whiskys on the basis that “gosh look lads house doubles are only £2” is the greatest decision ever made and we can report that it was not the smoothest of drinks bearing a passing resemblance to lighter fluid.

If one was honest matters got a little hazy after that although a curry was involved (which Williams fell asleep in) before Thomas did the decent thing and drove them all home (with thanks to him).

Vienna - A retrospective

All in all a first class weekend in a splendid city. Good solid buildings, plenty of fine statuary, good pictures, plenty of cake and a lot of idiots prancing around in Georgian era clothing trying to flog concert tickets.

Vienna - Part 4

Their last day in the musical city was set off with a trip round the opera house and we leave the pictures of this fine building to speak for themselves.








With a quick wander back via the magnificent Hofburg again

their trip ended with a very disappointingly (for your correspondent) straightforward flight home via Frankfurt (damn Lufthansa and their Teutonic efficiency).

Vienna - Part 3

Having recovered from the trauma of attending a classical concert (although the memory of the prancing singers will live long (too long) in the memory) the two of them spent Sunday exploring the sights of the city

and wandering the narrow alleyways


of the old part of town.

A spot of culture followed with a trip round the Albertina museum


followed by supper at a very swanky rooftop restaurant with great views

although the most suprising view of the night was TLSBSL Dennis tucking into sushi with gay abandon.