Fight Club

We are glad to report yet another first class weekend in the life of our hero.

Matters started off somewhat slowly, not helped by the bomb-hoax in the centre of Bristol on Friday night; apparently a bank robber thought it would be ideal cover for a job to plant a fake bomb. Now in your correspondent's experience there tends to be quite a heavy police reaction to bomb scares so as a plan this one seems to be a little lacking in genius. It has to be said that a criminal with half a brain could be quite dangerous.



With matters starting slowly Saturday night was planned as a quiet one. It started as a quiet one as the lovely Dennis and he headed down to The Tobacco Factory for a quiet beer or two. Well strange to report it was just a quiet beer or two. It was the bottles of wine and champagne when they got home that killed him off getting to bed at 0600 is never great for a hangover...or rather it is.

Sunday by definition therefore had to be a day of rest, hmmm that sounds like a good idea can't believe no-one has had it before, but after an afternoon in the bed and several doses of pain-killers he was well enough to head over to Tails and Jo's place in Sherston for a night of amateur unlicensed boxing.

Now that might sound like Tails and he were planning on scrapping but in fact the event was somewhat more organised in a bard in the wilds of the west just outside Cirencester. He reports that the quality of the boxing was markedly poorer than his fine performance in the ring with Buck in Koh Phi Phi (passim) and, so it would seem, to prove the point he and Tails ended up having a scrap, the crowd loved it. His jaw less so.



After a hard scrap the testosterone was flowing somewhat and the two of them decided to pick on some poor innocent lad falsely accused of being "a bit nasty" to Sophie. How he talked himself out of his problems is not entirely clear.

Now after all this excitement the boys were a bit hungry and as luck would have it there was a BBQ at this event. Tails decided that buying a burger was totally unecessary when one could just dip your hand into the big pot of cheese and scoop it down one's Gregory.

The staff had other ideas and so a quick early retreat was quickly beaten in high disgrace.



It's not entirely clear how they managed to last as long as they did.

At some stage during this Rockyesque evening his very good chum Gay Boy (aka Ben) called him with a spare ticket for the 20:20 the next day. Now having been practising his Darrel Hair and Inzaman chants all week he obviously snapped it up. It would be wrong of us to record the chaotic disorganisation that descended on their plans but the telephone call our hero received whilst in the taxi to let him know that his ticket had been given to a pregnant woman was a bit of a shocker.

It is fair to record that England were rubbish and got stuffed.

Theatre of Dreams

He managed to get his grubby paws on a pair of tickets to the Champions League match at the shiny new Emirates Stadium last night with thanks to his good chum Chappers.



He records the stadium to be first class, the team somewhat less so at the moment and the Dynamo Zagreb fans absolutely insane (clearly ex-Croatian paramilitary psychos to a man).

All in all a quality jolly to the capital.

For our non-footballing readers the Emirates Stadium is the home of

Controversy at the cricket

The usual difficulties attended the Chairman's efforts in getting a side out, until that is he decided to bully paralegals into playing. They seem surprisingly amenable to turning out for the side, presumably they think that cricket prowess might get them a training contract.

As usual, of course, Gilder let the firm down by dropping out on the day of the match. Fortunately his backsliding was foreseen (doesn't really take a soothsayer to foresee that) and so a full side was still cobbled together.

In light of the time of year it was felt that an earlyish start was necessary and so it was agreed to get to the ground in time for a 1745 kick-off. Of course the council had other ideas and decided to ruin the roads near the ground with some timely road-works so by the time everyone had hacked through the traffic it was well past 1815 and a shortened game was agreed.

Again as usual the CW mob were the last to turn up and so it was agreed that they would bat first.

Williams opened the batting as usual but without Webb (who was late) and so Ringer A stood in.

It's fair to record that their opening bowlers had a bit about them and had the two of them hopping around before Williams top-edged a delivery into his head which then ballooned up to the 'keeper. The head injury may have contributed to the later events (stay tuned but if you thought the events at the Oval were controversial then prepare to be appalled).

Ringer A got a peach but Earl and Webb steadied the ship with some fine hitting. A glorious square cut from Webb will live in the memory for some time as will the enormous 6 over cow corner from Earl which smashed into one of the opposition's Mercedes.

Webb as usual failed to push on and fell to a top edge whilst Thomas fell in similar circumstances. Earl retired and Welch, on debut, carved his first ball for CW for a lovely 4. He then set about the bowling with some relish. Ringer B played round a straight one and Holt just buckled down for the long run.

Welch retired and Wright struck some lusty blows at the end to get the score up to 107 for 5.

Webb and Ringer B opened the bowling. Webb got a wicket in his first and second overs (one a catch from Holt showing he still hasn't lost it) whilst Ringer B got 2 in 2 balls in his second (one a glorious stumping) leaving them reeling.

Then the head injury started to take over. He proceeded to get right up their noses by whipping the bails off every delivery and then having a row with them about the definition of a no ball. Things got somewhat less than friendly between batsman and 'keeper and some choice words were exchanged. So bad was the blood that a clear run out appeal had to be withdrawn to settle the tension.

Meanwhile a game of cricket was passing by. Thomas and Ringer A bowled quite tidily; Thomas got a wicket. Earl, Wright and Welch got a bit of a carting but as the skipper had Webb to bring back on (in the pitch black) the match was in the balance.

With 35 needed off the last 4 overs and only 6 off the last over it was a good tight match. Webb bowled a great final over and with Earl and Williams combining for a tidy run out Webb finished the game with 2 wickets with the last 2 balls winning the game by 1 run.

As the team wandered off Williams muttered to the skipper that he couldn't see why the appeal had been withdrawn; the skipper pointed out that RBS are (were?) one of the firm's biggest clients. Williams observed, "well they don't instruct my department", very collegiate.

Fortunately a round of handshakes all round and the situation was defused with somewhat greater aplomb than the mess at the Oval.

Batting

Ringer A Bwld. Golding 3
Williams Ct. Bailey Malkin 0
Earl Not Out 26
Webb Ct. Mithcard 11
Thomas Ct. Watts Tregale 4
Welch Not Out 25
Ringer B Bwld. Tregale 3
Holt Not Out 8
Wright Not Out 17
Extras (7 W, 2 NB, 1 B, 1 LB) 11
Total 107 for 5
Did not bat Simmons, Beaumont

Bowling
O M R W
Webb 4 0 23 4
Ringer B 2 0 12 2
Thomas 3 0 10 1
Ringer A 2 0 6 0
Earl 2 0 14 0
Welch 2 0 22 0
Wright 1 0 11 0

Fairy Godfather

His sister seems to think that on the basis that he could be bothered to come and see Evie relatively quickly after her birth (when in fact he has just learnt his lesson after getting in a world of trouble for failing to come and see the last one quickly enough) that he must be specially keen on her and therefore ideal godfather material. Clearly she hasn't been reading any of this.

On the basis that he is allowed to mumble at appropriate moments in the service he has agreed. The poor girl is going to grow up very confused.

In preparation for the role he has started stuffing cotton wool in his mouth and chopping the heads off horses.



Meanwhile he finally broke his "no drinking in Bristol rule". On Tuesday night he decided to get battered with the lovely Dennis and Becky. Suffice to record he did (and so did they). He eventually staggered to bed at 0430.



He was not an overly happy camper when Dennis woke him up at 0840 to remind him that he needed to get to work.

Having promised never to break his "no drinking in Bristol rule" again he disappeared off to Swansea on Thursday night to catch up with his very lovely friend Helen and after a splendid evening (on the soda water) he decided to try and get back to Bristol in under an hour. He would have made it had it not been for those pesky roadworks (and the torrential rain).

Apparently there was a fantastic thunderstorm that night in Bristol. Indeed it seemed to be the sole topic of conversation around the watercooler on Friday (a sad lot these Bristolians). He couldn't participate as he somehow managed to sleep through it.

Last night was a "Big Brother" eviction night party at Helen and Becky's place. As he was not the most avid watcher of the programme he spent most of the evening saying, "so who is that" etc. We are sure that didn't irritate them at all.

Dennis was not there as she has gone to the V festival this weekend. She has taken his car to get there and woke him up this morning to find out what his registration number. Obviously this piqued his interest she sated it by confirming that she had lost his car in the giant car-park. Genius.

The miracles of birth

Now his sister has been pregnant recently and was supposed to drop ages ago but clearly decided she wanted him to spend a fortune on calls from Egypt to keep in touch and so delierately refused to deliver before he went.

Now the truth of the matter is that unfortunately for her first two deliveries she ended up having to have emergency caesareans and she was jolly keen to have a natural home birth this time round. How very new age.

Having put the pressure on herself to perform this time with time passing away the quacks booked her in for another cut and shut on the Monday after he was due back from Egypt.

Fortunately this time round she got it right and she dropped at home whilst he was under the water providing his third niece Evie (to go with the lovely Thea and Phoebe).

In usual time honoured fashion mother and daughter are doing well.

In out of the mouths of babes news his mother observed this morning that it was the first birth she had attended.

Egypt - The Aftermath

After his sterling performance doing his bit for the image of Britain abroad he was a bit gopping saturday morning. Dennis had a bit of a cob on with him as well. As he muttered "god, i feel horrid" all she could manage was "good". Nice sympathy.

At 1334 reception rang asking him if he planned to check out (check out time being 1200) and perhaps he could come and pay. Having done so (and paid to extend his stay in the room) he snuck back to bed eventually getting up at 1730 still feeling pretty rancid.

This turned out to be just in time to discover that their flight had been delayed by 4 hours. What a treat.

Notwithstanding this serious inconvenience he says this was a truely fantastic holiday all down (as usual) to the wonderful people he spent it with so with thanks to them all.

Egypt Day 6 - The unacceptable face of Bad Boy British Tourism (again)

One of the dives planned for the day was a deep dive and, to help demonstrate the effects of nitrogen narcosis, the plan was to complete a timed task on the surface and on the bottom to demonstrate the impairment.

Of course what this meant was that everyone had to do the task and so he got into his usual competitive mood. He was unbearably smug (as usual) when he swept the floor with the competition.

After a long day of diving and thoroughly knackered he decided the sensible thing was to head off for a quick ride on a feisty Arabian horse. Despite her best efforts to throw the buffoon he somehow hung on over some very challenging terrain (well the beach). It is fair to record that the was a bit more of a handful than dozer.



And so with 7 dives under his belt and a certainty that he can now make it on the oil rigs that brings this chapter to an end.

Or rather it would have if the biggest night out did not have to follow.

Our readers' sensitive disposistions prevent us recording the full extent of the horror that followed but the following list may give a flavour:-

Strawpedoing several beers
Shots of Sambuca

Licking the Sambuca tray dry

Abusing Rachel

Dancing on a spinning chair
Falling off same

Passing out in the street

Pissing in the shrubbery

Swimming fully clothed


Dennis has asked us to make clear that throughout this she was a model of discretion and good behaviour. If you'll believe that you'll believe anything.



Pictures (have) follow(ed) soon. Stay tuned.

Egypt Day 5 - Deeper and Darker

Now that he is well established as a diver of reknown some more challenging diving was the order of the day and after a couple of dives during daylight a quick night-dive was clearly the only option.

He reports that night diving is somewhat more eery - very much more James Cameron - than the normal kind but also top fun. The Lion fish (deadly) were very impressive by moon and torch light.



Possibly the highlight of the dive was when he spotted a bright occasionally flashing light. Convinced it must be some fantastic sea beasty he set off in hot pursuit. It was of course the marker light on the bottom of the ladder from their boat. Idiot.

Egypt Day 4 - The Abyss

Having made his way through the ever-so challenging part of the course in the pool and classroom at last he was able to get out into the open ocean and really get down to some proper diving.

After a boat ride of great duration (5 minutes) they weighed anchor and got ready to dive. After the usual briefing guff from Janina he was all ready to go and despite her boast that she would be first in the water he sacrificed safety for a quick entry to make sure he got the jump on her.

A perilous descent into the deep followed and the group were quickly confronted by two leviathans :-

A giant moray eel

and a giant clown fish

Clearly the group were terrified at these apparitions from the deep and so in the usual way he set about taking charge and took point from then on.



Clearly with such inspired leadership the group couldn't help but make it to the surface safely.

In Dennis news she is shockinly sunburnt.

Egypt Day 3 - Flipper

Well he has finished the last of his confined water dives (i.e. in a swimming pool) without making too much of a fool of himself. Well he did look pretty silly when his flippers fell off. Not half as silly as the rest of the class who proceeded to nearly drown through laughing at him.

Having got the practical stuff out of the way he had to sit an exam. Now he has been known to be a bit competitive about exams in the past (once famously asking the invigilator if he could "borrow your newspaper for something to read" only 30 minutes into a 3 hour exam) and so the most important thing for him was not the pass mark but the quickest time it had been completed in (20 minutes by Janina's brother).

Shock, horror, he set out to beat that at all costs. He very smugly handed his exam paper in well within the 20 minutes and remarkably enough passed with apparent ease (no doubt Janina was being kind in her marking).

An afternoon off followed which involved baking in the sun.

Tomorrow he hits the ocean for the first time. This may well be the last time we get to write about him alive.

Egypt Day 2 - Teacher's pet

After the first day's performance he had a long way to go to ingratiate himself back in Janina's good books as a model student.

He failed.

He slept through the videos, again, and generally played the class clown (oh what a surprise) but remarkably appears to be getting the idea of diving. It is possible that he may not die when he first goes in the Ocean in a couple of days. Possible but unlikely.

In non-diving news we are glad to report that he has had the first opportunity to test his haggling skills (long-term readers may recall that they are not tip-top) when one of the natives offered him 200 camels for his "wife" (Dennis). On the basis that one should never take the first offer he is holding out for more.



His disdain for sunscreen is also coming through. A lovely lobster tan is well on the way.

Egypt Day 1 - A whole world of hurts

Well this time his mother managed to get him safely to the airport without breaking any bones, we are unable to confirm whether she managed to get home without injury as he hasn't seen fit to call home yet and find out, what a useless son.

After a 5 hour flight, enlivened by several screaming kids, they arrived (this is Dennis and he) in Sharm El'Sheikh on his birthday ready to hit the fleshpots. We'd like to report that they hit the town hard and certainly the after effects would suggest he did (more below) but sad to relate he could only manage 5 beers before having to call it a night. This no drinking malarkey has knocked the stuffing out of his already pretty poor drinking skills.

The first proper day in Sharm also coincided with the first day of his diving course. An 0800 start was not what he wanted as was clear when he slept straight through his alarm. The response when the dive school rang his room at 0815 asking where he was was a touch on the blue side.

Fortunately he has arranged to be taught by a very good friend of his (Janina - pronounced by him to rhyme with vagina (for comic effect) but more properly pronounced ye-nina) and so of course she was going to take it easy on his hangover. Well probably not in fact.



We can report that the first day of the PADI course with a hangover is not much fun. In fact it is as the title of this chapter suggests seriously unamusing. Through the unremitting headache, waves of nausea, narcolepsy (he basically slept through most of the lectures and fell asleep under water) and serious dehydration he basically endured the day.

He called it a night at 2300 still suffering from a raging hangover. Oh dear oh dear.

Hurrah, another cricket report

After all the difficulty in getting a side out for the tour and the wonderful time all the boys had whilst on tour it was clear that no difficulty could possible be had for getting a side out for this match.

Sorry, scratch that, he had 3 (including himself) players available yesterday. After some very aggressive recruiting, including rustling up the Maitre’d from Aqua (he threatened to stop eating there – a threat almost as terrifying to the place as it would be terrifying to the management of Totos if he stopped drinking) he managed to cobble a side of 9 together including 2 debutantes of a female persuasion.

Fortunately despite the grief getting a side out the weather was fantastic and a great evening of cricket beckoned.

The toss was won and, oh what a surprise, they decided to bat. The experiment of opening with Webb alongside the Chairman continued and at last bore some fruit. The Chairman went on the rampage pulling and cover-driving for all he was worth and quickly retired followed shortly by Webb.

Earl coming in at 3 had a lot to make up after his golden on tour and he didn’t disappointed quickly racing to a retirement.

The ringer then played some fine strokes whilst Burton sought to recreate his form from the Bill Owen match and with 4 overs to spare with the score on 145 and no wickets down the Chairman began to hope that they could get through without losing any wickets. Burton let him down followed swiftly by Thomas.

Holt failed to impress but did he really need a head high beamer to get him out? Beaumont on debut survived the last ball and so Phillips will have to wait for her maiden knock.

Defending 173 was probably within their capabilities even with Thomas skippering the side and if you readers will forgive us ruining the suspense they managed it.

Burton opened with a maiden and Webb whipped out a wicket in his first over. A wicket for Burton in his second over followed by a fabulous planned stumping off Thomas’s first ball left them reeling with 3 down early doors. They weren’t helped by Thomas picking up a wicket with his 6th ball either.

Their number 3 threatened to be a bit of a handful but after clipping some lovely runs he smashed one high in the air, Earl sprinted round to get in position but then overran it, somehow he threw out his right paw and pouched a brilliant catch.

With them in trouble Thomas felt willing to risk Holt who frankly got carted into the road. The ball that smashed into the side of the car driving past was a particular shocker, the ball after that landed in the garden on the other side of the road was not a whole lot better. Phillips and Beaumont were also trusted. The best that should be recorded is that fortunately one of the playing conditions for the night was that any wide was 2 runs but not an extra ball.

Most sides batting against us have learnt that there is always an extra run to be had on the Holt throw…or so they thought, clearly “dead-eye” has been in training as he swooped with grace and poise at mid-on before throwing down the stumps with a flat hard thrown at the non-strikers end for a fine run-out (in other words he got lucky).

Earl dropped one and had an over spinning it square before Burton was brought back to clean up. The only real excitement at the end was whether the Chairman could get through the innings without conceding a Bye. By some miracle he managed it. A first for the firm after 9 long (very long) seasons.

A comprehensive victory and an excellent game of cricket. With particular thanks to our debutantes and our ringer.

Batting

Webb Not Out 25
Williams Not Out 26
Earl Not Out 26
Ringer Not Out 18
Burton Bwld. Killick 23
Thomas Bwld. Thompson 6
Holt Bwld. Thompson 2
Beaumont Not Out 2

Extras (18 W, 1 NB, 18 B) 37

Total 173 for 3

Bowling

O M R W
Burton 2.1 1 11 2
Webb 3 0 25 1
Thomas 2 0 11 3
Holt 2 0 18 0
Ringer 3 0 17 2
Phillips 1 0 10 0
Beaumont 1 0 6 0
Earl 1 0 3 0

Out of the Mouths of Babes

He is going on holiday with a lovely girl who is presently lodging with (and with whom he works). She just came up to him and asked him if he could do her a favour and, whilst she was on holiday next week, keep an eye out for a piece of post coming in.

A good village is missing an idiot.

Drowned Rat

He's taken to wearing a rather light suit at work. He appears to think he is the man from Del Monte.



Amusingly a couple of days ago as he walked home from work he got caught in a biblical storm when he got home his fancy-dan suit was somewhat darker thanks to being sopping wet and he looked not wholly unadjacent to a drowned rat.

Lifelong Learning

Those of our more avid (read mentally deranged) readers will recall his frankly farcical preparations for the "trip". Well he has of course learnt his lesson and has made a much better fist of organising a holiday.

Er, well actually no he hasn't.

Basically he took too long to actually book it up so he couldn't go when he wanted to (8 August) and the only alternative was to go on 5 August (his birthday). A number of consequences therefore arise.

1. He gets to spend his birthday on an airplane
2. He has had to cry off going to Gatcombe 3 day eventing
3. He has had to cry off going to his niece's birthday

So he is not very popular.

To add to his woes he can't find his passport.

Oh by the way he's going to Sharm El Sheikh to learn how to dive. His place in a barometric chamber has already been booked.

Somerset Cricket Tour

Following the financial success of last year’s tour to Yorkshire (well for the publicans at least) there was some very keen competition from the various First Class Counties this season for the honour of hosting the legendary Clarke Willmott cricketers. After much detailed examination of the various proposals Somerset were named as the lucky county back in April of this year.

As is usual with the great sporting occasions (think the Olympics) there was huge concern about whether this left enough time to ready the facilities but the good people of Bath worked overtime and the ground was finished just in time.

The Send Off

Just as Posh and Becks now throw a party for the England squad whenever they head off for an international tournament so Barry and the boys at Totos threw a party for the tourists. Well truth be told they just headed over for a couple of sharpeners after work.

In light of the difficulty in getting together a side (how difficult can it be to get 11 people together out of 700 employees - very) they rather assumed that a few people might at least come out to see them on their way and wish them luck. Silly boys. Obviously their sincere thanks to Rebecca, Abbie and Claire who actually made the effort.

The Journey

Our regular readers will recall the horror of the journey to York last year. One of the advantages of Bath is its proximity. Clearly their thanks must go to the County Council who decided to shut the A4 for the occasion but as the Chairman demonstrated the fun bus can cope with those twisty country roads as well as any sports car and before the boys could polish off the beers they were in Scrapper’s flat in Bath ready for an evening of drunken debauchery.

The various villages they passed through were certainly aware of their passing thanks to a booming stereo and the wonders of a vehicle that can be driven with the doors open.

The First Night

The tradition that is the “Shore Power Hour” was raised to a new level this year with 8 rounds in 40 minutes. Sadly a “Shore Power 40 minutes” doesn’t trip off the tongue so well.

It did leave them sufficiently well oiled that they were refused entry at the higher class of nightclub and so had to settle for the chav scum hell that is O’Neills. Dropper promptly headed off to chat up the lovely locals whilst Scrapper hit the dance floor to impress with his moves. He must have done so as it quickly cleared of women, no doubt to give him space to show off his funky stuff.

You can always tell a classy club when there is a rabid psycho taff in the room ready to kill the first man who meets his gaze. Usually this role is fulfilled by Hermione but on this occasion it was a proper nutter. A quick retreat was beat to the local kebab shop. Some raw chicken kebabs enlivened the evening.

The Chairman decided to pinch Dropper’s glasses and in high dudgeon (and high drunkenness) Dropper decided that the only way to persuade the boys to give his glasses back was to drop his trousers and stand in the middle of Bath with his todger out “I’m not putting it away until I get my glasses back” was the somewhat unpersuasive cry.



To save the good name of Clarke Willmott the Chairman sent Dropper home.

A decision now shrouded in the mists of alcohol was taken to hit a gay bar called “Mandolin” (geddit) and the boys were received very well. Strangely they didn’t feel the need to finish their lovely cocktails and desperate to re-assert their sexuality they got Scrapper’s selection of hard core porn on the DVD sharpish.

The Viscount promptly passed out and Hermione and the Chairman set about drawing a
handlebar moustache on his face.



As they leant over his prostrate form with some filth playing on a loop on the TV Scrapper’s bird came in from work. A potentially uncomfortable moment was avoided by Hermione asking to borrow her make up which she readily agreed to. Fortunately for the Viscount she pooh poohed the Chairman’s request for some Veet.



The Match

After 5 weeks of solid sunshine it was of course too much to hope that it wouldn’t rain. As the boys turned up at the ground the cloud cover was pretty gloomy and clearly full of rain. With no real expectation that the game could be finished the Chairman won the toss and elected to bat.

Since the retirement of Smudger the selectors have been struggling to find an opening partner for the Chairman and in desperation they threw Hermione into the fray. Having spent all morning promising that he was full of runs and wasn’t going to throw it away he edged his first ball through slip’s hands for 4 and played all round the straight second ball.

Bing looked the part but having got a start fell the same way as Hermione and Scrapper may as well not have bothered.

With the score at 15 for 3 the Chairman was anxious that it could be embarrassing and decided to drop anchor and let the rest of the team play around him. Bond clearly got the message and started carting it round whilst the Chairman proceeded to score all his runs on one side of the wicket (no surprise there, the surprise was that it was the off side).

After their rescue operation a fine base had been established after 15 overs of 84 for 3.

From such a sure foundation there was only one way it could and with Bond playing down the wrong line, the Viscount playing all round a slow looper first ball, Holt giving catching practice and the Chairman tamely tapping back a return catch a rather less rosy picture of 90 for 7 after 20 overs was on display.

Fortunately the Latham boys dug in and whilst Major tried to replicate the Chairman’s batting Minor carted it around and hit a half-century.

Woodsy did a “scrapper” whilst Caldwell survived. A barely respectable 166 all out was the miserable return from their 30 overs.

The Chairman had nominated the Viscount as skipper for the day with Dropper having been sent home in disgrace (see above) and he chose to open the bowling with Hermione and Bing. The politest thing to say about Hermione’s bowling is that Bing bowled very well.

Sadly neither could find the breakthrough and after 8 overs they were well on the way to victory at 50 without loss. Although the catching (and umpiring) didn’t help.
Latham Major snaffled a wicket in his first over and whilst he and Bond bowled manfully they just could not get the breakthrough and their opener just kept on carting them out of the park.

Finally with the game already out of their grasp Major at last followed the Chairman’s suggestion of bowling wide outside the off stump and their troublesome opener chipped a catch up to Webb at point.

Woodsy and the Viscount then sort to exert some pressure and with a maiden from Woodsy first up and the Viscount picking up a wicket with his first ball (although some suggested that the bails may have been dislodged by a gust of wind rather than the ball) it looked like they might be able to do that.

Unfortunately the runs were just coming too quickly and the wickets weren’t coming and despite two wickets in 2 balls from Minor the Viscount conceded the losing runs.
About 5 minutes later the heavens opened. Fortunately the boys had rapidly retreated to the pavilion and the haven that is rough scrumpy.

All in all a good game, if it hadn’t been for those rubbish 5 overs from 15 to 20 it might have been close. There is some suggestion of making this an annual fixture.

Batting
Webb Bwld. Kelly 4
Williams Ct. & Bwld. Dicks 22
Evans Bwld. Kelly 8
Shore Ct. Gardner 2
Bond Bwld. Shaw 32
Earl Bwld. Shaw 0
Holt Ct. Dicks 1
Latham C Ct. & Bwld. Dicks 4
Latham R Bwld. Gibbons 51
Woods Bwld. Kelly 1
Caldwell Not Out 0

Extras (12 W, 6 NB, 19 B, 3 LB) 40

Total 166 AO

Bowling
O M R W
Webb 4 0 32 0
Evans 4 0 18 0
Latham C 5 0 32 2
Bond 3 0 25 0
Woods 3 1 18 0
Earl 3.3 0 29 1
Latham R 1 0 8 2

The Second Night

With the team splitting up with some heading out for food and others adopting the “eating is cheating” maxim there was a danger that the evening would fall apart but fortunately they ate sharpish and were quickly reunited and chucking back the Magners in the Star.




Those of the “eating is cheating” school of thought had a full supper of pickled eggs and pork scratchings.

A quick pub crawl through some very trendy bars and they picked up some girls who they used as cover to persuade the bouncers of a trendy club that they were respectable. They quickly got rid of them to enable them to chase after the full panoply of skirt available.

The real oddity of the club was the apparent party from Scope. Your writer has never seen so many wheelchairs in a club. The question posed by the Chairman was “so how do they dance then?”

After a bit of grooving they headed off for a kebab (well Tobias passed out in the street so the Chairman stole his ‘phone) followed by a return to Scrapper’s for another night of filth.

The Final Morning

A remarkably early start was enlivened by the huge stain by Hermione, goodness knows what he did in the night. A quick jaunt back to Bristol and some breakfast and the end of yet another excellent tour.