Good news, I bumped into my old chum "The Mystery Reporter" and as he is much funnier than me I asked him to come with us to write this masterpiece and he agreed. So there are now 3 of us going. The more astute of readers may notice that you never see The Mystery Reporter and me at the same time however. Right over to him.
Well, now that the blathering idiot (shurely intrepid explorer - ed?) has stopped prattling on, time for some decent reportage of his preparations for the adventure of a lifetime.
There is no doubt that this has to be the most disorganised and poorly prepared trip this writer has ever had the misfortune to be associated with. Frankly if it wasn't for his mother agreeing to drive him to Heathrow I doubt he'd make it as far as there. For those of you who might doubt this criticism let's examine a few basic facts:-
Ideal things not to do before going round the world for 4 months no. 1.
Buy a derelict flat and try and do it up in time to let it out before you go away.
Guess who's done this? Yes the blathering idiot. So far he has electrocuted himself (twice), nearly broken a finger (unfortunately (shurely fortunately - ed?) he broke the power drill instead) and had to call out tradesman as if they were going out of fashion. Genius. Oh and it still isn't finished. I'm guessing funds are going to be tight on this shindig.
Ideal things not to do before going round the world for 4 months no. 2.
Forget to check your tickets.
Guess when he checked? Yes yesterday and did he do so off his own bat? No Hoots had to suggest it and could he find half the tickets? The more astute amongst you will be amazed to learn that Hoots is going to take charge of the tickets from here on in so at least there is a chance of some foreign travel to be reported on.
With 15 days to go your correspondent feels certain he will add to the list so stay tuned.
In amongst all this incompetence you may take it as read that he has not sorted out his jabs, malaria tablets or visas. Your correspondent is not optimistic he ever will.
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