Golly well I'm home after the trip of a lifetime. Along the way there have been a lot of ups and one or two downs but when I look back on this time in time to come I know that I will regard it as being one of the best times of my life.
As Hoots would put it "It doesn't matter about the temples that you see or the scenery you view, when you get down to it is the people you do it with that count" and on this trip I couldn't agree more. If it had not been for the fantastic people I met along the way it would have been a pale shadow of what it has been.
I went away looking for some inner peace after a couple of years of turmoil and I am glad to report that I found it.
It seems invidious to single out anyone for particular thanks but I like invidious so here goes.
To Kathryn who persuaded me to go in the first place. To Hoots for putting up with my mood swings and covering for me when my pathetic drinking powers threatened to embarass me. To Ben and Rochelle, Graham and Helga, Dustin and his family, Churchy and Nicole and Bill and Amy who at various times put me up and made me feel totally welcome and allowed me to relax. To Gay George (not actually gay) for bringing my skiing kit to Canada. To the mystery reporter who saved me the job of writing this blog and tolerably faithfully reported all my adventures.
And finally to anyone who read this, thanks for being interested in what I was up to.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Chapter 128 - Happily Ever After
Well after 125 days away he has miraculously made it home in one piece. To achieve this feat he needed the services of 13 Airplanes, 9 Trains, 9 Coaches, 8 Boats, 3 Jeeps, 1 Pick-up Truck, 1 Car and a Pair of Skis.
As it has been done by others using 1 Balloon and in 80 hours this doesn't seem very impressive.
Nevertheless it has been a real adventure (most notably for his possessions which have been left in various locales) and along the way he has caught up with some old friends and made some great new ones.
This will be our last publication (although we understand that he may well publish an epilogue) and we would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our readers for tuning in and all of the people along the way who have provided the material for us to write about and endeavour to keep you entertained.
And so now from Britain we say farewell.
As it has been done by others using 1 Balloon and in 80 hours this doesn't seem very impressive.
Nevertheless it has been a real adventure (most notably for his possessions which have been left in various locales) and along the way he has caught up with some old friends and made some great new ones.
This will be our last publication (although we understand that he may well publish an epilogue) and we would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our readers for tuning in and all of the people along the way who have provided the material for us to write about and endeavour to keep you entertained.
And so now from Britain we say farewell.
Chapter 127 - Old Friends
With Bill and Amy heading down to Washington on Saturday Friday night had to be their last big night out (and his last big night on the tiles until Christmas - he claims to be giving up the beer when he gets home, ha fat chance). Fortunately for his liver Bill had to work so it could not be an all dayer.
As luck would have it as he was heading out the door for some sight-seeing Hoots rang him and they were able to hook up in mid-town and catch up on their separate adventures for the last 3 weeks. After a wander through Central Park and a dash into the Natural History Museum to avoid a rain-storm they split up again with Hoots heading off to some upscale private members club and our hero heading off to a grungy german beer hall.
He was overjoyed to hook up with Skinny Chris and Walkup old friends from back in the day not that it stopped him getting smashed - this morning he was quite surprised when Bill told him that they had been to a second bar.
So tonight is his last night away and so course he is going mad and painting the town red, er no, he is dog-sitting and feeling somewhat melancholy about the end of the adventure but excited about the prospect of heading home.
As luck would have it as he was heading out the door for some sight-seeing Hoots rang him and they were able to hook up in mid-town and catch up on their separate adventures for the last 3 weeks. After a wander through Central Park and a dash into the Natural History Museum to avoid a rain-storm they split up again with Hoots heading off to some upscale private members club and our hero heading off to a grungy german beer hall.
He was overjoyed to hook up with Skinny Chris and Walkup old friends from back in the day not that it stopped him getting smashed - this morning he was quite surprised when Bill told him that they had been to a second bar.
So tonight is his last night away and so course he is going mad and painting the town red, er no, he is dog-sitting and feeling somewhat melancholy about the end of the adventure but excited about the prospect of heading home.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Chapter 126 - Cool for Katz
Having recovered from the disappointment of Wednesday (in fact he was so upset he couldn't sleep that night) another old stomping ground had to be checked out and so Bill and he headed off to WXOU radio (it's a bar) for a few cheeky sherberts but not before having supper with Amy at the New York institution that is Katz's Deli.
Suffice to record that the bar is exactly as it was and he merely repeated his usual trick of getting drunk there.
Suffice to record that the bar is exactly as it was and he merely repeated his usual trick of getting drunk there.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Chapter 125 - Gay Paris
Our more astute readers may have noticed an increasing tendency on his part to lose stuff. Well now he has lost Bill and Amy's spare key.
Despite this inconvenience yesterday he enjoyed a day of culture at the Metropolitan Museum (via the Amtrak lost and found office) before setting off on a bar crawl to locate a venue to watch the Champions League final.
On that score they succeeded but also managed to get so drunk that he had to check with Bill this morning if the Yankees beat the Rangers last night (they did).
Now the last time that a team of his was on the verge of winning anything he started drinking very early (i.e. 0930) and they duly performed (the Welsh Grand Slam last year) so believing this to be a lucky talisman he repeated the dose.
Sadly Arsenal did not.
Despite this inconvenience yesterday he enjoyed a day of culture at the Metropolitan Museum (via the Amtrak lost and found office) before setting off on a bar crawl to locate a venue to watch the Champions League final.
On that score they succeeded but also managed to get so drunk that he had to check with Bill this morning if the Yankees beat the Rangers last night (they did).
Now the last time that a team of his was on the verge of winning anything he started drinking very early (i.e. 0930) and they duly performed (the Welsh Grand Slam last year) so believing this to be a lucky talisman he repeated the dose.
Sadly Arsenal did not.
Chapter 124 - Mission Impodible (I give up - ed)
Knowing how irked his mother would be if he returned home having lost his i-pod (which she gave him) he clearly had no option but to set off in hot pursuit of the bus.
Some three miles down the road (they have a lot of stops in the US) he caught up with it. Having finally caught his breath (which took about 5 minutes) he was able to explain to the bus driver what had happened and lo and behold his i-pod was still where it had fallen. Miracles do happen.
Some three miles down the road (they have a lot of stops in the US) he caught up with it. Having finally caught his breath (which took about 5 minutes) he was able to explain to the bus driver what had happened and lo and behold his i-pod was still where it had fallen. Miracles do happen.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Chapter 123 - Buffalo/Niagara Falls - A Retrospective
As previously noted the Falls themselves are pretty impressive but it has to be recorded that Niagara Falls itself is proper tacky. The Canadian side in particular is littered with casinos and various pseudo-fun-fair rides. Your correspondent's personal tacky highlight has to be the huge fibre-glass Frankenstein's monster eating a burger bursting out of the top of a well known burger franchise.
Buffalo meanwhile is a ghost town thanks in no small part to the brillance of it's town planners who very sensibly thought that as there is a tram line running up the main street there would be no need for cars to be able to use it. Now if they had a detailed and connected tram network that might work but there is only one line and it stops running about 1800 on weekends.
So of course no one goes to the centre anymore, they can't get there, and so it is dead and all the stores etc are either shut or in the midst of a closing down sale.
Nothing perhaps illustrates this point more than when he went to the pictures. He ended up watching the film alone (the cinema sat 288).
Buffalo meanwhile is a ghost town thanks in no small part to the brillance of it's town planners who very sensibly thought that as there is a tram line running up the main street there would be no need for cars to be able to use it. Now if they had a detailed and connected tram network that might work but there is only one line and it stops running about 1800 on weekends.
So of course no one goes to the centre anymore, they can't get there, and so it is dead and all the stores etc are either shut or in the midst of a closing down sale.
Nothing perhaps illustrates this point more than when he went to the pictures. He ended up watching the film alone (the cinema sat 288).
Monday, May 15, 2006
Chapter 122 - Shame on You
To Anonymous who posted a comment to Chapter 115 shame on you - how is he supposed to know who the loyal readers are if they remain anonymous?
Chapter 121 - Canada Revisited
So deep is his new found love for Canada that he felt compelled to return. Conveniently enough Niagara Falls are on the border so he was able to kill two birds with that stone.
The Falls are truely awe-inspiring and despite the tackiness the Maid of the Mist is a first class tourist attraction, although he did end up soaked because he refused to put the hood up on his plastic poncho because "it isn't cool". Idiot.
The only downside to his Canada jaunt was his inability to locate a Tim Horton's. He was most disappointed.
In possession news he left his i-pod on the bus.
The Falls are truely awe-inspiring and despite the tackiness the Maid of the Mist is a first class tourist attraction, although he did end up soaked because he refused to put the hood up on his plastic poncho because "it isn't cool". Idiot.
The only downside to his Canada jaunt was his inability to locate a Tim Horton's. He was most disappointed.
In possession news he left his i-pod on the bus.
Chapter 120 - Buffalo Bill
Despite the disruption to his schedule he was determined to get to Niagara Falls and so set his alarm nice and early for Saturday morning. Sadly his determination did not extend ot actually waking up to his alarm and so he had to be dragged out of bed by Bill with almost no time to make the train.
Astonishingly he did although due to it being Mother's day weekend over here it was packed and not the most comfortable of his recent trips but after another 8 hours on a train he reached Buffalo.
Obviously he headed out into town as soon as he arrived and ended up in a bar watching a Sabres v. Senators game in the NHL play-offs. Clearly as a good imperialist he had to root for the Senators (they are from Ottowa) against the Sabres (from Buffalo) which did not make him totally popular.
However his penchant for British beer, on this occasion Black Sheep, which the septics insisted on trying (and of course falling in love with) soon won them over. Mind to be fair by the time the Sabres won the game in overtime to go through to the next round most of them were so sozzled they would have loved everybody.
Particular thanks must go to Rachel and Chris who took him under their wing early doors.
Astonishingly he did although due to it being Mother's day weekend over here it was packed and not the most comfortable of his recent trips but after another 8 hours on a train he reached Buffalo.
Obviously he headed out into town as soon as he arrived and ended up in a bar watching a Sabres v. Senators game in the NHL play-offs. Clearly as a good imperialist he had to root for the Senators (they are from Ottowa) against the Sabres (from Buffalo) which did not make him totally popular.
However his penchant for British beer, on this occasion Black Sheep, which the septics insisted on trying (and of course falling in love with) soon won them over. Mind to be fair by the time the Sabres won the game in overtime to go through to the next round most of them were so sozzled they would have loved everybody.
Particular thanks must go to Rachel and Chris who took him under their wing early doors.
Chapter 119 - Uptown Girl
After originally planning to head off up to Buffalo and Niagara Falls on Friday his plans were thrown into disarray by a dinner invitation from Sarah (someone he met in Washington with Churchy). Well it would be rude to turn that down so again he changed his plans and headed uptown to some faux Irish bar to drink and sup with Sarah and her friends.
Sarah had literally just come from running 10 miles through Central Park and, not to put too fine a point on it, hadn't showered.
Fortunately he was too drunk to notice.
Sarah had literally just come from running 10 miles through Central Park and, not to put too fine a point on it, hadn't showered.
Fortunately he was too drunk to notice.
Chapter 118 - Let's go Yankees
After a very pleasant lunch with his old boss he was even more pleasantly surprised when Bill rang him with an offer of a ticket for the Yankees game that night against the Red Sox (probably the biggest rivalry in North American sport).
Well he wasn't going to pass that one up and despite the rain and a pretty abject performance from the Yankees offense (who couldn't score a run if their lives depended on it) he had a most enjoyable evening with Bill's sister (Wendy) at the game.
Let's hope the Yankees do actually start going if this season is not going to be a disaster.
Well he wasn't going to pass that one up and despite the rain and a pretty abject performance from the Yankees offense (who couldn't score a run if their lives depended on it) he had a most enjoyable evening with Bill's sister (Wendy) at the game.
Let's hope the Yankees do actually start going if this season is not going to be a disaster.
Chapter 117 - Washington - A Retrospective
Interesting town, to say the least. It is fair to record that the Americans do one thing very well and that is grand monuments and overawing government buildings and if that is what you want from a city then Washington is definitely the place to go.
It is also strangely soulless probably as a result of it being the most political city since ancient Athens. Nevertheless a genuinely fun time (thanks to all he met) and certainly he has plenty of architectural photos to look back on,
It is also strangely soulless probably as a result of it being the most political city since ancient Athens. Nevertheless a genuinely fun time (thanks to all he met) and certainly he has plenty of architectural photos to look back on,
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Chapter 116 - Promises, Promises
Well strange to relate but Churchy and Nicole kept theirs and our traveller had a first class time back in Washington. Indeed if one was being picky one could suggest that his performance of falling asleep (as usual) rather let them down.
To punish himself for this aberation he took himself off to the Aquarium whilst suffering from a hangover.
Quite how he resisted feeding one of the screaming children to the alligators we really do not know.
Obviously that was insufficient so he set off round the History Museum and Air and Space Museum (both parts of the Smithsonian).
What a couple of days of exploration.
Now back to New York and lunch with his old boss at the NAACP.
To punish himself for this aberation he took himself off to the Aquarium whilst suffering from a hangover.
Quite how he resisted feeding one of the screaming children to the alligators we really do not know.
Obviously that was insufficient so he set off round the History Museum and Air and Space Museum (both parts of the Smithsonian).
What a couple of days of exploration.
Now back to New York and lunch with his old boss at the NAACP.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Chapter 115 - Possession News
He has lost the charger for his electric toothbrush. Which is good in a way as hostel patrons usually have no idea what it is he has in his mouth vibrating.
Chapter 114 - The Retreat to the Potomac
In a desperate attempt to avoid being dragged to any more Eastern European films by Bill and Amy (and following promises by Churchy and Nicole to be exciting this time) he decided to return to Washington.
Not however before settling down to watch the last round of Premiership matches will Bill (whom he created a Gooner when they shared a flat together in New York years ago). Suffice to record that much hilarity was had at Spurs' expense and plenty of beer consumed. Roll on the European Cup Final.
Having got back to Washington we are glad to report that Churchy and Nicole have kept up their end of the bargain and after far too many pints of Guiness last night Churchy and our traveller hit the tourist trail today. They rather came at it from both ends of the spectrum kicking off the day's events with a trip to the Arlington Cemetery
(very moving apart from the frankly comic memorial
to the victims of the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster) and rounding them off with a trip to the zoo.
Sadly the tigers
were not allowed to eat the Giant Pandas.
Not however before settling down to watch the last round of Premiership matches will Bill (whom he created a Gooner when they shared a flat together in New York years ago). Suffice to record that much hilarity was had at Spurs' expense and plenty of beer consumed. Roll on the European Cup Final.
Having got back to Washington we are glad to report that Churchy and Nicole have kept up their end of the bargain and after far too many pints of Guiness last night Churchy and our traveller hit the tourist trail today. They rather came at it from both ends of the spectrum kicking off the day's events with a trip to the Arlington Cemetery
(very moving apart from the frankly comic memorial
to the victims of the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster) and rounding them off with a trip to the zoo.
Sadly the tigers
were not allowed to eat the Giant Pandas.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Chapter 113 - Art House
When one finds oneself in one of the coolest cities in the world it is of course compulsory to become painfully cool yourself so in a demented effort to acquire such cool our traveller decided to go to the cinema this afternoon.
Not of course to see any run of the mill blockbuster but instead to see a sub-titled Romanian film called "The Death of Mr Lazerescu" a dark comedy about some old chap dying. Really uplifting stuff!
With that accomplished he set off for the Chrysler Building (you know the one with the shiny top and the big eagle heads on the corners) where Bill works (on the floor where the eagles are) for some fantastic views of the city.
After all that excitment he is now having a little nap, very rock and roll.
Not of course to see any run of the mill blockbuster but instead to see a sub-titled Romanian film called "The Death of Mr Lazerescu" a dark comedy about some old chap dying. Really uplifting stuff!
With that accomplished he set off for the Chrysler Building (you know the one with the shiny top and the big eagle heads on the corners) where Bill works (on the floor where the eagles are) for some fantastic views of the city.
After all that excitment he is now having a little nap, very rock and roll.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Chapter 112 - The Big Apple
And so finally he has arrived in New York having become rather too acquainted with Amtrak over the last couple of weeks.
Once again very kind friends are putting him up (this time Bill and Amy (and don't forget Martin the Labradoodle dog))
how many people can he manage to fool?
So far he has just been settling back into life in the Big Apple (he lived here for a while back in '98) which has involved taking Martin for a walk around the West Village. Martin (actually a girl) got into a scrap with a Doberman and, not to put to fine a point on it, got beaten up. Fortunately honour was restored as our traveller beat the Doberman up.
Having nearly got their dog killed he decided to leave her behind as he headed down to the old World Trade Center (spelling? - ed) which as it was one of his favourite haunts from times past was quite moving. However it was heartening to note that almost everyone walking past it on their way home from work simply ignored it and were getting on with their lives. Not, we suppose, a real surprise but nevertheless good to see.
However on his return to the flat he was reminded why Bill had asked him to lock Martin in the kitchen if he went out - she had gone mad and trashed the joint. Our traveller may have to find alternative accommodation.
Once again very kind friends are putting him up (this time Bill and Amy (and don't forget Martin the Labradoodle dog))
how many people can he manage to fool?
So far he has just been settling back into life in the Big Apple (he lived here for a while back in '98) which has involved taking Martin for a walk around the West Village. Martin (actually a girl) got into a scrap with a Doberman and, not to put to fine a point on it, got beaten up. Fortunately honour was restored as our traveller beat the Doberman up.
Having nearly got their dog killed he decided to leave her behind as he headed down to the old World Trade Center (spelling? - ed) which as it was one of his favourite haunts from times past was quite moving. However it was heartening to note that almost everyone walking past it on their way home from work simply ignored it and were getting on with their lives. Not, we suppose, a real surprise but nevertheless good to see.
However on his return to the flat he was reminded why Bill had asked him to lock Martin in the kitchen if he went out - she had gone mad and trashed the joint. Our traveller may have to find alternative accommodation.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Chapter 111 - Boston - A retrospective
After not the warmest welcome our traveller has received with rain sluicing it down and very low cloud aiding and abetting the local hotelliers and hosteliers (are we shure this is a word? - ed) in their efforts to leave him miserable Boston stepped up to the plate and the sun came out for his second day and we can faithfully record that this is a much more pleasant city in the sunshine than the rain.
A "proper" city in that it is not just laid out on a grid unlike most other US cities and also very green. Another fleeting visit but again an enjoyable one.
A "proper" city in that it is not just laid out on a grid unlike most other US cities and also very green. Another fleeting visit but again an enjoyable one.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Chapter 110 - Philadelphia - A retrospective
Interesting city, full of history and one of the more compact North American cities (i.e. a car is not essential to survival there).
A fantastic pile of a City Hall and one of the best Art Museums this side of the Atlantic.
A bit of a flying visit but most enjoyable.
A fantastic pile of a City Hall and one of the best Art Museums this side of the Atlantic.
A bit of a flying visit but most enjoyable.
Chapter 109 - A Tinge of Russet
Rejoice the tourist attractions do open on Tuesdays. After having had rather too much liberty 
and independence nonsense Gimli headed up to the top of the City Hall to enjoy the view
and ended up falling in with Ollie (an Australian) and after an afternoon at the Art Museum and an evening in the pub and in light of their mutual misguided belief in the beauty of ginger beards they are now best of mates.
In possession news his "My Little Unicorn" trousers have finally given up the ghost and been binned.
In hostel disaster news his hostel in Boston has closed down, he may be sleeping rough tonight. However as he has found this review of it
"This place no longer exists, however they still take bookings. On arrival you will find it closed down but a sign on the door directing you to another hostel (Beantown) a few doors down where they will have a record of your booking, but strangley enough, not of you deposit.
"Beantown hostel provides a bed for the night and nothing else, our sheets were stained with dried blood, the reception was rarely manned, and when it was the staff (other than a pleasant girl) were surly and rude. Turns out the Irish embassy and Beantown are owned by the same person, who I guess is pulling a con. Dont go!"
this may be a step up.
In schedule news he has delayed his return. He now lands on 22 May.
and independence nonsense Gimli headed up to the top of the City Hall to enjoy the view
and ended up falling in with Ollie (an Australian) and after an afternoon at the Art Museum and an evening in the pub and in light of their mutual misguided belief in the beauty of ginger beards they are now best of mates.
In possession news his "My Little Unicorn" trousers have finally given up the ghost and been binned.
In hostel disaster news his hostel in Boston has closed down, he may be sleeping rough tonight. However as he has found this review of it
"This place no longer exists, however they still take bookings. On arrival you will find it closed down but a sign on the door directing you to another hostel (Beantown) a few doors down where they will have a record of your booking, but strangley enough, not of you deposit.
"Beantown hostel provides a bed for the night and nothing else, our sheets were stained with dried blood, the reception was rarely manned, and when it was the staff (other than a pleasant girl) were surly and rude. Turns out the Irish embassy and Beantown are owned by the same person, who I guess is pulling a con. Dont go!"
this may be a step up.
In schedule news he has delayed his return. He now lands on 22 May.
Chapter 108 - Culture Vulture
For reasons not entirely clear to your correspondent Philadelphia's tourist attractions do not open on a Monday. Fortunately the bars do.
Chapter 107 - Auckland revisited
Churchy very tediously has to work this week and Nicole is ill so as they were no fun Gimli has decided to clear off and has headed to Philadelphia. If they promise to be more exciting he may return.
Chapter 106 - The Inhumanity of Man
Now Washington is a quite political city and with the Sun out that meant a protest was needed. The cause celebre this week was Darfur.
Some might say that a rally in the week a peace deal is due to be signed is a bit of the too little too lates.
In the spirit of genocide our hero and Crofty went to the Holocaust Museum.
The most telling exhibit? An enormous pile of shoes.
Some might say that a rally in the week a peace deal is due to be signed is a bit of the too little too lates.
In the spirit of genocide our hero and Crofty went to the Holocaust Museum.
The most telling exhibit? An enormous pile of shoes.
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